A 23 year old Australian tourist who’s all cock and no brains, literally blew his holiday wad (of cash) in Bangkok’s Nana Plaza and had to rob a Thai bank so he could purchase an air ticket back to the ‘Land Down Under’!
In yet another case of what was he thinking; this broke and brainless bloke, with hormones raging, stormed into a Bangkok bank waving around a toy gun and shouting MONEY, in the hopes of getting some for himself. This was apparently the only English word that he thought all Thais would understand.
The bumbling bank robber was arrested shortly after making his getaway not more than 200 meters from the scene of the crime. The down and out man from ‘Down Under’ was apprehended in a dead-end street by the bank’s security guard and an off-duty police officer who happened to be conducting personal business inside the bank at the time of the robbery.
Lieutenant General Sanit Mahatavorn, the Bangkok Metropolitan Police Chief told reporters that Zachary Cronin, an Australian national, wore a Guy Fawkes mask and goggles when he robbed the Saphan Khwai branch of Thanachart Bank on Monday at 8:45am. He said that “the man pointed the fake gun at tellers, who handed over 170,000 Thai baht” (approximately $6,600 U.S. dollars).
According to police sources, the criminal with a sex-addled brain had been observing the bank for two days before the hold up. They also said that he had selected that branch because it was not very busy early in the morning. After arriving by Skytrain and observing the bank for several minutes, Mr. Cronin entered the bank and spent the next twelve seconds robbing it. During that time a frightened teller handed over a bag of cash, and another staff member activated the security alarm before Cronin stupidly fled into, and was captured in a nearby dead-end street!
Police Chief Sanit stated that “Mr. Cronin said he was tourist staying in the Nana red-light area on Sukhimvit Road and had spent all of his money in a month. He then decided to rob the bank. The suspect wanted to use the money to buy a plane ticket back to Australia.”
Cronin has since reenacted the robbery for the benefit of both the Thai Police Department and Thailand’s nightly TV news viewers. The authorities have also consulted with the Australian Embassy to see whether or not if Mr. Cronin has a criminal record in Australia.
The broke and busted Aussie imbecile, err … tourist, is now banged up in a Bangkok jail cell awaiting arraignment for the charge of robbery. If convicted of the maximum penalty, Mr. Cronin will be denied the pleasure of attending any of Thailand’s go-go or beer bars, as he stands a good chance of being locked up for the next ten years of his life.